Loss

“Establish rapport”, the words I would always hear from my instructors way back when I was just a student nurse. The words that echo in my mind and in my heart every time I see my patients. There are times that rapport turns to friendship and a long-lasting relationship. I remember my favorite patient. She was an 84-year old woman whom I met when I was having my house to house rounds as a community nurse. She was cheerful and friendly despite some health issues. She had Hypertension and that was the reason why she developed kidney failure. She would usually visit me in our clinic to have her blood pressure taken and to receive her shots of Epoetin injection, a medicine to help her body produce high hemoglobin level. During times that she couldn’t visit personally, I would go to her house instead. At her age, it was extremely difficult to endure all the pain, but she would always smile and say that she was fine and I had nothing to worry about. She was a warmhearted person. She reminded me of my late grandmother whom I couldn’t take care of when she needed me.

Days passed by and our routines continued. I would visit around the village to monitor different patients and my day wouldn’t be complete without seeing her. She would always tell me how her day went by, and she would prepare something for me to eat.She didn’t have to do that, but I had observed that seeing me smile, made her happy so I just allowed her to. Our friendship became much deeper to the point that I was considered as a family member. She would even joke around and tell me to marry one of her grandsons. That was her funniest joke I would always laugh at.

Our communication was cut when I was transferred to COVID-19 isolation facility. I became responsible to take care of another group of patients. I was so busy because of the pandemic, and I neglected taking updates of the condition of her. It was monthsof not getting any news from her. Our life continued separately without me knowing that her health was deteriorating. I had no idea at all.

One day, the new nurse assigned there told me that there was a woman who would always ask about me. That person turned out to be her daughter. I was surprised that they still remembered me. She wanted me to know that her mother’s condition was getting worse. I felt bad that I almost forgot about her. I immediately decided to visit her even though we were on local lockdown. I did not waste any time to see her.

“Looking at her like that, I felt that my heart was being crushed.”

When I came to her house, I saw her lying down. She was extremely lethargic, had edema and shortness of breath. Those symptoms were the complications caused by her failing vital organs. Looking at her like that, I felt that my heart was being crushed. When she saw me, she hurriedly stood up and approached me. She was teary-eyed. With my trembling voice, I asked her if she could still remember me. She answered “Of course, why would I forget you”. That was flattering. It took us hours of catching up with each other. I tried to make her laugh. Before I left, she told me that she was thankful to be able to see me because she knew that her time on Earth was going to end. With cracked voice, I told her to stay strong. I said goodbye to her knowing that that might be the last time we could share laughter and happy moments. Her facial expression while waving at me reflected that she enjoyed her life to the fullest.

Three days after, I received a news that she had passed away. I felt really sad, but I was relieved because I knew that her suffering was ended too. I came to her funeral and her family was very happy to see me because they knew that I had a special bond with their mother. They led me to her coffin. She was so beautiful and looking at her peacefully sleeping I didn’t feel any sadness. I felt happy that during her last few hours alive, I was able to be with her as her friend. We might have a long age gap but the friendship we had was pure. My memories of her will remain and I know that she is smiling at me from heaven.

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